What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do

So it begins...my website.

Something I have been preparing for my whole life but putting off for quite some time.

Why?

Because I’m scared. I’m insecure. ~Shockingly~

Although I carry myself with confidence, it doesn’t mean I actually feel self-assured. I had a friend of mine tell me the other day that I am the most confident person she knows. I scoffed in her face. I was then asked why I’m so down on myself. I started looking inward when asked that question. The answer to that question resulted in this article.

Ladies and gentlemen, it‘s time that we decide we are enough for ourselves and not validate our worth based on others.

What if we started believing in those compliments and internalize them instead of the negative things we tell ourselves.

I’m mostly worried that people won’t be interested in what I have to say. But - reality check - what matters most is how we feel about ourselves.

For me, I need to stop telling others, “oh, you’re biased. You’re just saying that because you love me.” I must take those compliments and run with it. Here I am, doing my best to be a part of that marathon. No one said marathons were easy, but they’re damn well worth it.

We continue to chase gratification from the outside world, but those are just illusory, temporary highs. We need to look inwards and find the true permanent highs that stem from us. I know it’s significantly easier said than done; however, we have to take those first steps and start somewhere.

Without being complete and content with our own beings, nothing else really matters. Happiness cannot be found without having satisfaction and pride in who you are and embracing one’s self-worth.

I’ve recently been spending a great deal of time trying to find a job that will make me happy. Because, like my Papa used to say: “there are two things that are certain in life, we gotta pay taxes, and we gotta die.”

Well, Papa, I want to find joy in having to pay taxes. I want to die knowing that I did something worthwhile.

Being out of college for the past two years, I have found myself in a state of limbo. Since graduation, I have immersed myself in more education, gaining a Journalism degree, and a bevy of professional certifications. However, earning these achievements, to me, doesn’t feel like I’m progressing.

I’m constantly daydreaming about dipping my toes into the real world. I have always dreamt of writing for a big magazine, finally getting to express my inner-most thoughts on a grand scale. Watching the show ”The Bold Type“ only solidifies my aspirations. Yet, at the same time, it also makes me feel inadequate. It makes me feel like I’m behind. You know the funny thing about feelings? No one can make you feel any type of way; we do that to ourselves.

In actuality, we all find success on a different timeline. For me, that timeline seems like a tightrope, and I’m afraid to look down. What I keep forgetting to remember is that you can’t get to the end of that rope without focusing on your next steps that are right in front of you.

I know that I need to face my fears instead of being stunted by them. Success never happens inside someone’s comfort zone. Thus, I must take action instead of waiting for life to happen. After all, nothing changes if nothing changes. From this day forward, I am going to start manifesting my future. Because the reality is, my future is happening right now.

So here it is, the very beginning. I hope you like it, but most importantly——I know I do.